Episode 83: Scapegoating: The Financial Cost of Being the Black Sheep in the Family

In this podcast episode, Vangile discusses the concept of being the black sheep in the family and looks at scapegoating within families and its impact on individuals' financial behavior. She explains that scapegoating occurs when family members project their own shortcomings onto one person, blaming them for everything that goes wrong. This can lead to feelings of not being good enough and constantly doubting oneself.

She delves into the complex dynamics of scapegoating within families, highlighting its origins in emotional dysregulation, power struggles, intergenerational trauma, and societal influences. She also explores the link between scapegoating and the "not good enough" wound, emphasizing the need for healing and self-improvement to break free from the cycle of scapegoating.

Vangile shares her personal journey of healing and offers suggestions for coping mechanisms, such as therapy and coaching, to navigate the triggers and challenges that may arise from family interactions. They emphasize the need for self-compassion, self-care, and personal growth to counteract the negative messages received from being scapegoated. 

This is another eye-opening podcast episode.

Tune in!

 

During this episode, you will learn about:

00:00: Introduction to the podcast and its purpose

03:25: Explaining scapegoating and its effects on individuals

14:29: The progression of scapegoating and the psychological roots behind it

19:21: The impact of trauma and emotional dysregulation on the scapegoat role

26:43: Examining the broader societal context of scapegoating, including racial dynamics

31:34: The intergenerational cycle of scapegoating within families

37:38: How being scapegoated can affect confidence and finances

44:11: The link between fear of failure and scapegoating

49:29: Healing and the importance of vulnerability and making choices

53:36: The impact of scapegoating on financial behavior

59:04: lack of grit that can result from being scapegoated

01:07:48: The link between scapegoating and the "not good enough" wound

01:10:38: Setting unrealistic expectations and internalizing blame

01:13:23: Dysfunctional communication patterns and parental favoritism

01:18:48: Setting boundaries with family

01:24:14: The importance of getting help and support

01:32:39: Invitation to join the Wealthy Money Mastermind, a group coaching program focused on increasing income at this link: wealthy-money.com/mastermind

Notable Quotes 

• "Perfectionism is just the symptom of an underlying cause, which is the not good enough wound."
• "The majority of the family members do not know how to emotionally regulate; the only way for them to regulate their emotions and to cope with life is by projecting them onto the scapegoat."
• "Making someone else feel small and blaming them for everything may actually be a way that family members that feel out of control and feel powerless start to regain their power and start to regain a sense of control." 
• "When we don't have the tools, we just reach to the behavioral patterns that we know from our past" 
• “You have to be willing to take some kind of risk, especially if you're going to be an entrepreneur.”
• "It's about how can I hold the duality of both the love and the dislike or the indifference in my body as I become more visible and as I step into my power."
• "Set boundaries with your family. Remember, most people tend to treat us, even as adults, the way that they treated us as children."
• "Self-care is doing the uncomfortable inner work so that I don't continue the cycle of scapegoating." 

Additional money resources:

Money Magic course: https://www.wealthy-money.com/moneymagic 

Bank Account Challenge: https://wealthy-money.com/bankaccount 

Wealthy Money Mastermind: https://www.wealthy-money.com/mastermind

7 Day Tapping into Ancestral Money Wisdom Training: https://wealthy-money.com/training

Next Level You Journal: wealthy-money.com/joournal

Let’s connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vangilemakwakwa/